Don't Be An Asshole

This post actually started as a Facebook status update, but got a little too long and then I remembered that I used to do this blog thingy so thought "why not put it there", so here I am again. And, wow, I can't believe so much time has passed since I last updated this thing...back a couple years ago when I actually thought I was busy I was able to post more, but now I kinda laugh at that because as my kids get older (I have a High Schooler now! EEK!) life has gotten exponentially busier. Sports practices are longer and more often, games and meets take us greater distances away, social activities are never ending...thankfully the High Schooler will be driving next year and, though the thought terrifies me, I really can't wait for him to drive his own butt to and from practices every night. Which brings me back to the reason I came over here to rant...OK, teach, you about how not to be an asshole while driving in winter weather.

 It's winter in PA, and like most winters I'm yearning for a tropical island and a nice boat drink...I guess one out of two isn't bad and I'll take the iced rumchatta for now, with one of those cute little umbrellas, please! And with winter in PA comes icy and snowy roads. If you're going to live here, you better know how to drive in it, especially if you're like me and live smack dab in the middle of nowhere, the land where plows are endangered species. Unfortunately it seems most people don't know how to drive in it, and even worse, drive like total idiots. So, I've developed a list of winter driving do's and don'ts I'll call "Don't be an Asshole."

1.  First off, if you're scared to drive in ice or snow, I have one word of advice for you--DON'T!!!  Scared drivers are not good drivers.  Unless you are a transplant surgeon who gets The Call that your patient's life saving organ is available and only you can save him, don't risk it.  Your kid will not die if he/she does not make it to practice.  You really don't need bread, milk, or eggs.  Even your boss would rather you stay alive, honest, and if not, what the Hell are you doing at that job anyway?  If you absolutely need to be somewhere, find a friend who does feel comfortable driving in bad weather to take you to your destination.  Better yet, find a friend to take you to an empty parking lot (schools are good if they're closed) to practice driving in snow--get used to how it feels to have your back wheels slide out and learn what to properly do when that happens (because guaranteed it WILL happen and the worst possible thing to do is panic!). And before someone points out the obvious "you have a Jeep, so of course you're fine"--a scared driver in a Jeep is just as dangerous as a scared driver in a Mazda Miata.  Just look at how many big ass SUV's are stuck in ditches next time it snows--don't be under the delusion that just because you drive a tank that has 4WD you will automatically be safe.  You won't be. 

2.  And if you have a big assed SUV 4WD, don't think you can just drive it around like the roads are dry.  Sure, it may get you through unplowed deeper snow, but it offers no advantage when it comes to stopping or turning, and no advantage on ice.  Please allow extra distance to stop at that stop sign or traffic light, otherwise you will find yourself t-boned into cross traffic.  This is especially true the larger/heavier your vehicle is.  Take turns slowly and controlled, and when you slide out a bit, don't, I said DON'T, slam on your brakes, just keep steering into your turn, easing off ever so slighty on the gas until you are headed straight. 

3.  I'll say it again, your brakes are your enemy in the snow and ice.  You want to try to drive slowly enough to avoid hitting the brakes.  Locking your tires removes your ability to steer your car.  Even cars with "antilock brakes" will skid out if you slam on the brakes in ice.  Downshift going down hills.  If you need to hit the brakes, do so gently, trying instead to control your car's speed via easing up on the gas pedal.  And if you are traveling at a reduced speed, this will not be difficult. 

4  Which brings me to my next point.  SLOW THE EF DOWN!!!!  'Nuff said.

5.  And when the car in front of you is going slower than you are, resist the temptation to tailgate.  Believe me, this will not make the driver of that car go faster.  It will make him/her scared (please refer to rule #1).  You do not want the driver of the car in front of you to be scared.  If he/she starts sliding and panics and slams on the brakes with you on his/her tail, guess what's gonna happen?  Yes, your front end will be in his/her back seat.  In bad weather, follow the most basic off-roading rule--leave lots of space between you and the car in front of you.  The worse the conditions, the more room you should leave.  The bigger and heavier your vehicle is, the more stopping time you are going to need if the car in front of you skids.  Nothing freaks me out more than a huge 18 wheeler riding my bumper in the snow.  BACK OFF ASSHOLE!!! 

6.  Lastly, just plain Don't be an Asshole.  And this is a rule to follow at ALL times on the road (and in life!).  Be courteous.  Don't cut people off.  Use your turn signals (I promise, you will not exhaust all your energy pumping that little lever on the steering column up and down).  Turn your lights on.  Put your phone down.  It's not a race, you don't have to beat all the other drivers to your destination.  You just need to GET to your destination.  And so do I.  Alive.