choose your battles aka how to freak out the school guidance counselor

Real life recent conversation with my 12 yr old boy child:

Seriously?

what?

SERIOUSLY?

What Mom?  It's like 38 degrees.  It's not like it's cold or anything.

You are NOT really planning to go to school in THAT, are you???

The boy is stepping out the door on his way to the bus stop wearing nothing but shorts, a tee shirt, and a hoodie.  I, on the other hand, have on a turtleneck sweater, a ski parka, scarf, and gloves and am walking out in back of him to head out to work.  To me, anything less than 50 degrees is frigid.  To my kids, anything above 30 degrees is downright balmy.   If I wasn't fully awake during both their deliveries I would swear they weren't mine.  But since the bus was due to arrive any minute and I had no time to drive him to school and make it to work on time, I relented.

You're going to freeze.

I'm not going to freeze.  Freezing takes place at 32 degrees and it's 38 degrees
(damn that science teacher for telling him that)

Whatever.  I just don't want to hear how cold you were when you come home this afternoon.

I won't be cold.

And I don't want any calls from the guidance counselor.  


They don't do that in Middle School.


So he got on the bus and went to school in shorts, a tee shirt, and hoodie in 38 degree weather.  I had decided to choose my battles and this was one lesson that he could learn the hard way.  Though all day I wondered when my phone would start ringing.  Like it did not too long ago, only that time for the 9 year old girl child, who is still in elementary school, where apparently guidance counselors don't really understand the whole choose your battles concept.

hello?  (seeing the caller ID of the girl's school and anticipating the nurse's voice saying come get your kid, she's puking all over my office, which is usually the only type of call I get from her school)

yes, Mrs. S, this is the school guidance counselor and I'm calling because your daughter didn't have a coat on today at school.

ooo-kay

she won't be allowed to go outside for recess if she doesn't have a coat on.

ooo-kay  (apparently the guidance counselor hadn't gone to the same science class as my boy child had, as it was at least 40 degrees that day)

does she have a coat?  because we have some here at the school that we can give her if you aren't able to get her one.  (OK, I appreciate that the school is looking out for families in need and all, but no, both my husband and I have good jobs and are not "in need")

no, she has numerous coats in her closet.  she just chooses not to wear one.  she's at a stage that she thinks coats are not cool and apparently freezing your butt off while trying to look cool is.

well, we can still give her one because otherwise she can't go out for recess.

she can stay in for recess, I'm fine with that.  Maybe she'll start choosing to wear a coat if that's the consequence, though you have my permission to let her go out without a coat.  That also is a good consequence.  I'm all for natural consequences.  If she's cold, then maybe then she'll also start choosing to wear a coat.

Oh, no, we'd never send her out without a coat.  She'd get sick.  I'll just give her one.  (my hunch is that if they made her stay in, they'd have to assign a teacher to stay in with her and I don't really think they wanted to do that)

That's actually a myth.

What?

It's a myth.  you can't get sick from being out in the cold.  Bacteria and viruses cause colds, not being in cold weather without a coat.  Cold weather actually kills bacteria and viruses, they proliferate inside where it's warm and where every kid is wiping his nose with his hand then touching everything.  (I'm a health care professional.  I've worked in hospitals for 20 plus years. I know these things.) .

So we left the conversation like that.  The girl child came home with a new coat.  I'm sure I'm on some "bad parent" list at the school, but I still stand by my decision to allow my kids to dress inappropriately for the weather.  Natural consequences (within the bounds of safety) work best with my kids.  I choose my battles and this is one I choose to let them learn naturally.

There will always be someone out there questioning your parenting skills.  Forget them, and do what you know is best for your child.  Even if it freaks out the guidance counselor.

edited to add:  lest you think my kids are these wild savages who have no parental limits what so ever, think again!  Much to their displeasure, I can and DO say no, and I do it often.   I do not let them out without coats when it is 10 degrees and there is a risk of frostbite.  It's just if it is a low risk situation that I know doesn't threaten life or limb, I sometimes choose to let them learn for themselves instead of engage in a battle of wills. And as an aside, my daughter wrote a nice thank you note to the guidance counselor for the coat, and we sent in some Wal-Mart gift cards to be used for the Angel Tree that was going on at the time.  Maybe, just maybe, my name was taken off of that list!